Chapmanesque—A Reexamination of Affirmation
Two-time Heavyweight Champion Boxer George Foreman (1949-2025).
What comes to mind when you think of the word affirmation? Does it have a positive or negative connotation in your mind? Does it trigger anything inside you? Does it encourage you or does something bitter and disheartening boil inside you by the mere mention of the word?
According to the interwebs, affirmation is a positive or truthful statement that allows a person to combat a negative belief and align oneself with a higher purpose or calling. One definition even says it’s merely an emotional encouragement or support.
In a world where words only matter when they work in our favor, I say we throw out these two definitions entirely. They both center on statements or words that are hurled (rather ineffectively) at negative beliefs and inconvenient truths.
What if we were to reexamine affirmation and remove it as an empty jumble of words cast onto others like a spell and reestablish it as something that must be earned or cultivated?
You see, when something is lofted towards an object, it can be dodged, blocked, intercepted, redirected or rejected completely, not to mention that just as easily as it was gifted, it could be taken away.
Instead, when something is earned, it cannot be rightfully removed. If it were removed, it would be a true violation of the rightful owner.
You Go, Girl!
One of my favorite contemporary novels is a book by author Nathan Hill called The Nix. It’s a deeply nuanced story where people are constantly let down by those who should be the reliable ones in society. Chipper, I know. But it’s truly a great book.
The novel features a minor character named Laura Pottsdam, a college student who was caught cheating on a research paper. She tries to wiggle her way out of trouble and is hell-bent on not being held accountable for her mistake. She doesn’t really care whose life she needs to destroy in order to shuck off the responsibility.
In the book, Laura Pottsdam has downloaded a social media app on her phone that allows her to post whether she is in a good mood or, as you might have guessed, in a sour mood.
If she posts that she is feeling anxious, other users of the app can quickly (and anonymously) respond with positive affirmations to help her combat her negative feelings (not to mention her guilty conscience).
As much of a chuckle as this produced, it also hit me that this social criticism is pretty accurate. We substitute real connections with quick, anonymous hits of affirmation to justify our feelings, our choices or even our lifestyles.
Presuppose This
In Episode 635 of the Art of Manliness Podcast from way back in August of 2020, host Brett McKay talked with college professor and boxing coach Gordon Marino about his book The Existentialist’s Survival Guide.
This episode ended up being one of the ones I’ve saved and have revisited over these past few years. In it they talk about different views of existentialism and bring up a few names of note. If you’re into that kind of thing, I highly encourage you to give that episode a listen and that book a gander.
One of the existentialist names they mention is Danish theologian Søren Kierkegaard (be impressed I used the proper character in his name). Kierkegaard isn’t the most chipper of fellas, but when it comes to treating others kindly, I can get on board with a few of his takes.
In Episode 635, host Brett McKay points out that Kierkegaard would tell you to presuppose that other people have the capability to show love towards others and presuppose their ultimate goodness.
Marino echoes that sentiment putting it in plain words.
“We like to hate certain people, but the task of love is to presuppose their ultimate goodness which is a leap of faith, especially the most irritating people.”
We may not know that those irritating people are dealing with so much negativity under the surface, but we way too often have the ability to objectify them and to quickly compartmentalize them into an item that deserves disdain.
Kierkegaard would tell us we need to see them not as a thing that grates on our nerves but rather as a connection to the same Creator who created us. We’re to see them as part of the same Spirit.
Kierkegaard argues that in order for us to recognize others of the same Spirit requires us to equate them with the Maker of Heaven and Earth, to presuppose their value based off of the one who gave His life for the sins of the world.
Affirmation Is Earned Not Given
In that episode, Gordon Marino talks about the mental toughness that is required to effectively become a quality boxer. Unlike what you would expect, he says the best participants in such a violent sport are the ones who can control their emotions the best, citing an interview with the late George Foreman.
Now, pay attention, because this is where we return to the idea of reexamining affirmation.
When the young boxer first gets into the right, they power themselves through aggression and rage, quickly tiring and exhausting themselves, becoming vulnerable to a hasty defeat.
But Foreman’s approach was to build the confidence inside a young boxer, allowing him or her to control his or her emotions and think clearly, especially when a jab or a right hook could end the bout.
Affirmation, they point out, isn’t about receiving a pat on the back or being told by a loved one, a friend, a coach or an anonymous person hiding behind a made up screenname that you’re enough. The value they assign to you holds just as much weight as unicorn tears and dragon teeth.
Instead, affirmation, is something that is an earned truth cultivated by an individual through hard work and reflected through close (dare I say), intimate relationships.
It’s not cute, little daily statements you downloaded from Etsy or purloined from Google images that you say to yourself in a mirror when you wake up to let you know that you’re a strong woman or an man who’s truly an agent of change. It’s the fruit of your labor that you can see and return to in order to celebrate what actually is instead of what you wished would be.
Affirmation is whole-heartedly linked with intimacy, self-discipline and courage.
It sometimes requires a hard conversation where you and those close to you have to say things and hear things that are difficult to digest.
But strength grows in the struggle. The palm tree can weather a hurricane because of the way it was designed, but if it’s never tested, it stays soft and brittle. When the winds seek to break the established palm tree, it merely bends and strengthens, ready for the next storm.
Noticed and Needed
Kierkegaard would say that the regular human needs to be noticed and needed.
We’re social creatures, and we need the encouragement from those around us, but our make up also has us needing to be needed.
When we were kids who did this, that and the other, we eventually reached a point in our lives where certain activities, friends, interests and hobbies fell by the wayside. As harsh as it sounds, these things were not needed in our lives.
The same goes for cultivated affirmation. Surrounding yourself with those who bolster you in your efforts to grow and who will reflect your successes with affirmations that encourage you to continue that growth is something that you must actively pursue. It won’t just happen. These are the people you need in your life.
They help us understand, Kierkegaard would note, that the value assigned to us by the Creator is seen and identified by others. They help us know that we are seen and not treated like we are the invisible unworthy of attention and affection.
On the other side of that same coin, what are you doing to reflect successes to others in your cultivated circle to bolster them towards growth? It’s a two-way street.
Today’s world could use a hot minute to reexamine what affirmation really is. The reexamination needs to involve an individual and a mirror.
We’ve proven that we can use our time to maximize the faults in others. I wonder how much good would come from some heavy lifting introspection.
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