The Case for Caring—Why You Should Give a Damn
ADOLESCENCE DEFINED
I’ve spent the bulk of my professional life around teenagers. For a decade, I was one myself. If we’re viewing this through the aggregate, that puts me in the milieu of the American teenager for 75% of my life.
I’m willing to bet the average adult’s stomach just repositioned itself when thinking about having one of your fire’s irons fully entrenched in the life-cycle and worldview of adolescence.
My teenage years took place at the end of the 20th Century and the budding years of the 21st. It was a magical time complete with cellular technology, dial up internet, Napster, AIM, South Park, and gelled hair. Skinny jeans were a big NO, and flip-flops with blue jeans were a staple.
The trappings of my adolescence were certainly unique to the time, but the angst, the generational divide, the misunderstood music and the rebellious mentality was no different than when “adolescence” became a thing.
The word adolescence can be traced back to the 15th Century where in Latin it literally meant “to grow up or grow in maturity.” But it wasn’t until 1904 when the life-stage as we currently know it was referenced by G. Stanley Hall, the first president of the American Psychological Association, who tagged the term to a phase in life when early 20th Century teenagers were facing shifting social change.
Child Labor laws and universal education caused these teens to grow up facing different social expectations than their parents who had adult responsibilities thrust upon them at a much earlier age.
Hall did not have a fond perspective of this new socially-created adolescent generation. He felt they had too much free time on their hands and lacked the appropriate outlet of hard work need to “burn out the vestiges of evil in their nature.”
Hall pointed out three important aspects of this phase: mood disruptions, conflict with parents, and risky behavior. (Sound familiar?)
I have a feeling the first president of the American Psychological Association G. Stanley Hall had no idea he would have such a critical role in making my point for me.
Since the foundation of the properly defined adolescent period, the average teenage experience throughout the century-plus’s worth of generations may have appeared to be different, but in reality, the teenager of yesteryear and the teenager of today are battling the same demons.
Parents and grandparents have tsk-tsked, crossed their arms and shaken their heads in similar disapproval while all the while being the previous group of adolescents leaving parents to wonder where they went wrong.
A LITTLE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
Taking this piece of information as the given, we really should give those young twentysomethings the benefit of the doubt when they, almost by default, lean towards their actions acquired during those adolescent years. They’re closer to that stage than the average adult, and in their defense, the vast majority of their decision-making experiences dwelled within their adolescence.
If you’re looking at it as a life-span and in percentages, a 22-year-old has spent nearly half of his or her life as an adolescent, nearly half a child and whatever is left over as a decision making adult.
Set that little nugget to the side and dive deeper with me into what I’d really like to address.
IT’S LIKE, WHATEVER, MAN
Look at the teenage/adolescent/young adult heroes of the past century and a quarter and you’ll see a trend.
James Dean. The Beatnicks. The Hippies. Bill & Ted. Jeff Spicoli. The Brat Pack. American Pie. Fill in the blank with a hundred other examples. What will you find? No one cared about a thing. No one gave a damn.
I’m not talking about apathy. Being apathetic comes from a deep-down lack of interest. I’m arguing the opposite.
I think our adolescents have truly cared about many things, but we’ve been governed by this social expectation that kids just don’t care. That mixed with all the insecurities that come with the life-stage where impressing others, not looking like an idiot, raging hormones and rampant mood swings (in both boys and girls) are already making their brains a muddled mess.
Sometimes “Whatever, bruh” is the easiest and most effective strategy out there. It detaches you from expectation and lets you save face in front of your friends.
If a young man or woman has spent more than half of his or her life in an apathetic state, it’s going to take a hot minute or two to reverse course. But what if that weren’t the case? What if kids found themselves in an environment where they were encouraged to care about things.
What if they actually gave a damn?
THERE’S STILL TIME
There’s a case to be made that giving a damn has an origin point for most. It’s not locked, hidden down inside. Most of the time we’re inspired by the actions of others.
If that’s the case, then what about those of us who have progressed beyond our adolescent years? I’m sitting here at the start of my fourth decade, so have I missed out on being influenced to care? Not in the slightest.
How different would we all be today if we knew then what we know now? Lean into what you know now, and enact it. If you’re scared of what others think because you care so much about Topic X or Topic Y, this is your wakeup call to rid yourself of that insecurity. In some cases I understand that’s easier said than done, but where we set our focus tends to be where we end up.
The first time you make the decision to be different and shed that nonchalant exterior, it’ll be uncomfortable, yes. But the first time makes the second time easier. The second time makes the third time easier, and so forth and so on.
Soon, it not only becomes second nature, but you are now someone who is known for having passion, drive and desire. You’re known as the guy who gives a damn. You’ll also more than likely attract those who want to lean into their passions to pursue something that matters.
I tell my daughter and my son all the time that they are leaders. People naturally follow them. My son is charismatic and charming. He never meets a stranger and always cheers for the good guys. He’s a traditional leader. My daughter, she’s a quiet leader. She won’t say much (until you get to know her), but she’s very much magnetic in a unique way.
“Bring people with you,” I tell them. It’s better to encourage people, to cheer them on, than to tear them down. You become another statistic. You’re a belittler. I don’t have time for belittlers. I make it a point to rid myself of them, and I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
I bought a trinket online from Maritime Supply Co. and it hangs from the mirror in my Jeep. It reminds me on a daily basis that there’s a case for caring, that giving a damn is something you have to dare to do.
If you can show others around you that you give a damn about what you give a damn about, they may sever ties with you. But they may point their rockets in the same direction, giving you twice as much force and power to accomplish that goal.
Maybe someone will simply see you give you a damn and you’ll be the one that lets them know you can care about something and life goes on.
Or, you can stay apathetic, and if you do, that’s, like, your choice, man. But know who is to blame when life passes you by.
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